Talking About Senior Living: Conversation Starters for Family Members

Senior living communities are built around empowering residents to maintain their freedom, experience social connections, and enjoy wellness-focused amenities so they can live life on their own terms. Whether you’re an active caregiver or not, talking about senior living with your aging parent or family member may feel sensitive. However, these talks can strengthen trust and open the door to a better quality of life for someone you care about. 

In this article, you’ll find information and practical conversation starters to help you speak with confidence and respect, turning what might feel like a big or intimidating conversation into a shared journey toward a joyful next chapter.

Watch the video below for tips on starting the senior living conversation.

In this guide, we'll discuss:

• Before You Begin: Set Your Intentions
• Opening the Conversation: Establish Personal Values and Priorities
• Continuing the Conversation: Develop Curiosity and Comfort
• Taking the Next Step: Schedule Community Tours and Visits
• Talking About Senior Living: A Journey of Discovery

Before You Begin: Set Your Intentions

If you’re considering a discussion about senior living options with your aging parent or family member, you aren’t alone. Seven out of 10 people will require assisted living in their lifetime, and each family must tackle the conversation—and the decision—in their own way. 

Create the right mindset.

Every productive conversation begins with the right mindset, so approach this one with curiosity. Don’t try to present your parent or family member with a fully formed plan. Instead, be open to learning what they truly want for their future. 

Holly Bell, regional director of sales at Cedarhurst Senior Living, offers simple but powerful advice: “Start with empathy. Think about this as a life-changing event. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their concerns because there are going to be concerns.”

Choose the right moment. 

Choose a relaxed, comfortable time for talking about senior living. This might be over coffee, during an afternoon stroll, or while sharing a meal. The more natural the setting, the easier it is for the conversation to flow.

Be ready to listen and have patience. 

Listening is your most valuable tool, so don’t rush to fill the conversation with your own feelings and conclusions. When older adults feel heard, trust grows—and so does their openness to exploring possibilities. 

And keep in mind that this isn’t a one-time discussion. As Holly explains, “You need to plan on having multiple conversations over a course of time rather than anticipating one conversation where you come to a decision.”  

Include key conversation partners. 

Consider who else should be involved when talking about senior living—other family members, a trusted doctor, or a close friend—and whether they should participate in one or all of the discussions. Their input can add perspective and help everyone feel like they’re on the same page. 

Most importantly, make sure the person this move affects most stays at the heart of every step. “For adult children considering independent living and assisted living for their parents, it’s important for your mom or dad to be involved in the process because they ultimately are the ones experiencing the change,” Holly says.

Opening the Conversation: Establish Personal Values and Priorities

The first talk about senior living should feel more like exploring the idea than making a decision. This isn’t about comparing floor plans or costs; it’s about dreaming a little and imagining a more comfortable and fulfilling life.

Focus on values and goals. 

Keep the focus on your family member’s values and goals instead of needs or limitations. Ask questions, such as “What do you want your days to feel like?” instead of “What do you need help with?” These small shifts in perspective create space for optimism and shared discovery. When you focus on benefits—new friendships, well-being resources, peace of mind, and more—you open the door to an inspiring discussion. 

Try these conversation starters.

• “What’s most important to you in the next few years? Peace of mind, friends, physical well-being, or something else?”
• “How do you picture your ideal day, and what would help make it easier to enjoy that?”
• “What brings you joy that you would like more time for?”
• “If you could spend less time worrying about cooking, home maintenance, and so on, what would you do with that extra time?”
• “What would your ideal living situation look like?”

Continuing the Conversation: Develop Curiosity and Comfort

Once the topic is on the table, the next step is to explore together without creating any pressure or deadlines. Think of this phase as gathering information and discovering possibilities together as a team. 

Emphasize collaboration.

Tempted to power through all the research on your own? 

“It’s OK to see and research communities in advance,” Holly says. “However, I would not recommend narrowing it down to just one option beforehand. You need to have options. Do a preliminary search, find out which three communities look like they're the best, and involve everyone in those.”

Use collaborative language, such as “let’s explore” and “let’s research,” to keep the process open and inviting. Listen earnestly to your parent’s thoughts and feelings about each option. Most importantly, remember that this phase doesn’t involve making a commitment; instead, it’s a step toward clarity. 

Try these conversation starters.

• “What have you been thinking about since we began talking about senior living?”
• “I found a few nearby communities that look like they fit the goals you talked about during our last discussion. Want to look at their websites together?”
• “Let’s compare what you’re spending on the house with what a senior living community might include. It could be more affordable than we think.”
• “How would you feel about talking to your doctor or a senior living advisor? They might help us look at this option from a wellness perspective.”

Taking the Next Step: Schedule Community Tours and Visits

When curiosity transforms into interest, start visiting communities in person. Holly’s insight on pacing is key during this phase: 

“One per day is enough. Otherwise, you start to get everything confused,” she says. “Focus on the positives. Highlight the opportunities that the community has for independence, social connection, and to support safety concerns.”

Do more than just take a tour. 

When you schedule visits, check if it’s possible to take part in a piece of daily community life beyond the tour. 

“Ask to be engaged somehow, whether that’s visiting one day for lunch or attending a community event or activity,” Holly says. “To really understand if the community is a good fit, you should be a part of a hands-on experience.”

This approach helps your family member experience what life in the community feels like, from the energy in the dining room to the friendliness of team members and residents.

Try these conversation starters.

• “Would you like to talk to someone who lives in one of these communities? I bet they would have great insights.”
• “We’ve done so much research. Is there a place you would like me to help schedule a visit to or attend with you?”
• “Let’s go to that community’s next open house. We can stay for lunch and see what it’s really like.”

Talking About Senior Living: A Journey of Discovery

At its heart, each progressive conversation about senior living is an act of care. When you approach the topic with empathy and curiosity, you create space for openness and trust in the relationship. These chats help you and your family member explore new possibilities that increase the comfort, connection, and joy in their life. 

Ready for more guidance and inspiration as you continue this journey? Explore Cedarhurst’s caregiving resources for helpful tools, insights, and stories to support you and your family every step of the way. 

Originally published May 2023. Revised November 2025.

Contributor

Holly Bell is the Regional Director of Sales at Cedarhurst Senior Living, where she helps older adults and their families discover the right community and care to support their needs and well-being.